


P.S. I Love Automail (and you, I guess)

by SteveTrevorsStarship



Series: RoyEd OTPoly 2020 [6]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Automail, Ed gets mugged, Ed has a love-hate relationship with the more metal parts of him, M/M, Oh My God, and they were ROOMMATES, they were roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25275622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteveTrevorsStarship/pseuds/SteveTrevorsStarship
Summary: 5 Times Ed loves his automail and 1 time he hates it.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Series: RoyEd OTPoly 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1813930
Comments: 14
Kudos: 145
Collections: RoyEd OTPoly 2020





	P.S. I Love Automail (and you, I guess)

**Author's Note:**

> Me, tightening the corset on this fic: SQUEEZE IN  
> The fic: NO STOP I NEED THE WORDS
> 
> Use automail as your main theme. Use either: heavy angst or crack. Use a modern AU. Max word count: 2395. Hotel Level, and of course, CRACK. 
> 
> How did this turn from a modern AU to a modern college fic?? dunno, but the "and they were roommates" thing was completely unintentional.

I

A large crash sounds from the bathroom around midnight. Ed bolts up and looks toward it, hearing muffled curses. 

Normally, this isn’t a cause for concern. He and Roy share the bathroom with two other people in a dorm adjacent to theirs. They’re college students; shit goes down at all times of night and most of the time, it’s best not to question it. 

But this time, Roy’s typically softly-snoring body is missing from the bed across the room. 

Call it morbid curiosity or call it cruelty; Ed doesn’t care. He just wants to see what Roy did to himself and make fun of the smug bastard for it. There are only so many opportunities he gets to tease his annoyingly perfect roommate, after all. 

Ed walks toward the bathroom and opens the door a crack. “You decent?” he asks.

The curses stop only for Roy to say hesitantly, “Yes.” 

When Ed steps into the bathroom with a raised eyebrow and a shit-eating grin, he’s greeted to the sight of Roy Mustang sitting on the toilet seat with a towel wrapped around his waist and holding his foot like it’s terribly injured. 

In lieu of staring at Roy’s chest like a lustful little shit, which Ed unfortunately is, he teases, “Did you get a boo-boo?” 

“No,” Roy lies, putting his foot back on the ground and scoffing. Ed can tell it’s all an act because of the embarrassed flush that’s working it’s way up to his cheeks. “I dropped a brand new bar of soap on my foot, that’s all.” 

Ed snickers. “Good thing I never have to deal with that,” he says, wiggling his automail toes. All of a sudden, he’s very,  _ very  _ glad he has automail. 

“Even if you could feel it,” Roy says haughtily, “you’re so short that the drop wouldn’t hurt.”

Ed stops laughing. An eerie silence fills the room as he turns his head slowly to glare at Roy.

“Go put some clothes on, Mustang, or else you’re going to die naked.” 

Ed has never seen somebody run so fast in his life, especially not with a cheap towel wrapped around their waist. 

II

“Would you put a shirt on? This is a communal kitchen,” Ed says, putting his Ramen Noodles in the microwave and setting the time. 

Roy just keeps pouring his scrambled eggs into the pan. “It’s 2 AM,” he says through his yawn, “nobody is going to come in here. Besides, it’s not like you haven’t seen my bare chest before.” 

Ed has, in fact, seen Roy’s bare chest before. And he really likes it. And he really likes looking at it. And that’s 100% the problem here. 

“No, but other people might not want to see it.” Ed leans against the counter and gives Roy his most scathing look. 

Roy grins. “Are you jealous, Edward?” he teases playfully while pointing at him with the spatula. Ed sees his hand come up near the hot pan as Roy continues, “Don’t worry, they can look, but they can’t touch. I’m all yours,” and opens his mouth to tell Roy maybe his hand is too close to the pan, but then it’s too late because Roy’s hand connects with it and he hears a slight  _ hiss  _ before Roy disconnects with a startle. “Shit!” 

“Oh, fuck,” Ed says, moving forward to turn off the stove and grabbing Roy’s wrist. He avoids the burn while he drags him over to the sink, turning on the cold water and shoving Roy’s hand under it. “Stay, you absolute idiot.”

Roy scowls at his hand. “I’m not a dog, don’t command me like one.”

“You’re about as smart as a dog. Can’t believe you burned your hand on a pan because you weren’t paying attention.”

“I’m sure you’ve done it plenty of times before and have just never noticed,” Roy argues back and nods down to Ed’s automail hand.

“Probably.” He grins. “It’s kinda nice, being able to pick up my hot Ramen bowl without it hurting.”

Roy glares at him. “Thank you. I just burned my hand, that’s what I really needed to hear right now.” 

“Do you want me to kiss the pain away for you?” Ed asks jokingly (even though he’s really not joking). 

Roy rolls his eyes but he’s starting to smile again and there’s mischief dancing in his eyes. “Laugh it up, you obnoxious brat.”

“Always, you stupid bastard.” 

III

When Ed learned that Roy doesn’t have anywhere to go for Christmas because Hughes is out of town with his family and Riza is spending it with her grandfather this year, he invited him to Resembool for the entirety of Christmas vacation. 

At the time, he thought  _ I’m already roommates with the guy– how bad can two weeks at home with him be? _

In hindsight, he should have known. This is Roy, after all.

The first sign that Ed is fucked is when they’re getting on the plane. Roy gets plane sick so he takes nausea meds when he’s at the gate. Typically, this wouldn’t be a problem, except the nausea meds make Roy tired. He’s practically drooling on Ed’s shoulder as Ed hands the Gate agent their tickets. 

She smiles at them. “You two are an adorable couple.” She scans their tickets and hands them back. “Have a nice flight!” 

Ed takes the tickets, blushing and mumbling something about Roy not being his boyfriend while leading him through the boarding bridge. 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Roy says tiredly from Ed’s shoulder. Ed can feel his eyelashes fluttering against his neck. Ed doesn’t even bother asking what the hell  _ that  _ means, instead opting to poke his not-boyfriend so he stays awake long enough to get to his seat. 

The second sign that Ed is fucked comes when Roy walks into Ed and Al’s childhood home and immediately throws himself at the horde of cats. 

Of course he likes cats. Everybody Ed loves likes cats. This is just par for the course for him. 

“Oh my gosh,” Roy says, scratching Daisy behind the ears. “Aren’t you the cutest thing in the world?”

Ed studiously ignores the look Al is giving him, but he can see it from the corner of his eye and he just  _ knows  _ it’s eerily similar to his  _ brother he’s a stray cat can we please keep him  _ face. 

Roy reaches out so one of the newer rescues can sniff his hand. The black and white cat hisses and before Roy can pull his hand back, the cat attacks, clamping its teeth down around Roy’s finger. “Fu–!” 

“Sarah!” Al scolds, leaning down to pick the cat up. “I’m so sorry, she gets nervous around new people. That was very rude, Sarah.” 

“It’s alright,” Roy says, holding his finger. “I understand. Edward, could you show me where the bathroom is so I can wash this off?” Ed nods and leads him to the bathroom, letting him wash his hand in the sink while he looks for a band-aid in the cupboard. 

“Er, are you okay with using a Paw Patrol band-aid?” Ed asks, holding up the box. 

Roy looks down at the package, feigning offense. “Is that even a question? I love Paw Patrol.” 

Ed snorts. “I can’t believe I ever fucking though you were suave. You’re such a dork.”

“This isn’t a joke, Ed,” Roy says seriously. “I’ll have you know, Marshall is my favorite character.”

Ed stops taking the band-aid out of the package and looks up at Roy, slowly. “Holy– you’re serious. How the fuck do you even know what Paw Patrol is?”

“Elicia,” Roy says simply. 

Ed sighs, rolling his eyes and searching for a Marshall band-aid. When he finds one, he holds it out to Roy. “There, bastard. Stop getting hurt.” 

“You’re a hypocrite. You probably let those kittens chew on your automail.” Roy takes the band-aid and wraps it around his finger, posing for dramatic effect after it’s stuck on. 

“Let them? Hell, no! Those cats are vicious. I don’t have a choice in it. I can only be happy that I can’t feel it when they chew on me.” 

“Yes, Edward,” Roy deadpans, “those small, innocent, fluffy beings overwhelm you. They’re the spawn of Satan.”

“They are!” Ed argues. “The only reason I’m alive is ‘cuz I have automail.”

IV

“Yes, Roy, I got you potstickers. In fact, I got two separate orders of them so I could actually eat some this time,” Ed says into his phone. 

_ “It’s not my fault you ate my Kung Pao Chicken,”  _ Roy responds from the other end of the line.  _ “I had to get my food from somewhere.”  _

Ed rolls his eyes but stops when he sees a man with a gun in the corner of his eye. “Oh, shit,” he says. 

“Give me your wallet!” The man says. His hand is shaking and Ed can’t help but think he must be new at this. 

“Who the hell tries to mug someone when they’re on the phone?” Ed asks, gesturing to his phone. “My friend has my location, he could call the cops and they would be here in minutes. All I would have to do is stall you.”

_ “Edward, please don’t antagonize the man that presumably has a gun,”  _ Roy says from the other end of the phone. 

“I’m just trying to be reasonable, Roy! If he’s going to rob someone, he better do it right.” 

The mugger blinks before he seems to remember that he’s actually supposed to be, y’know,  _ mugging,  _ and he steps forward threateningly. 

“Yo,” Ed says, “Calm down, I don’t have any cash. It’s all cards. Can you go away?” 

“No,” he says, “give me your cards and the most expensive thing you have on you.” 

“I’ll just cancel the cards the moment you leave, anyway. And I’m a college student. I don’t own anything expensive.”

“ _ Edward!”  _ Ed hears Roy scold. The noise directs the man’s attention to the phone.

“Fine then,” he says, “give me your phone.” 

Ed shrugs. “Okay, you can deal with Roy. He gets hangry.” Ed steps forward to hand the man his phone and then man makes the mistake of reaching out for it, so Ed grips his arm, twists around it so he’s out of the path of the gun, and hits him as hard as he can on the back of the head with his automail hand. The man immediately crumples to the ground. 

Ed sighs and puts his phone back to his ear. “Situation resolved. Metal hands save lives. Don’t forget that, Roy.”

V

_ “You couldn’t have just waited for the cops? Or used your alchemy?”  _

“Nah, they were taking forever and I’m hungry. Can’t do alchemy when I’m hungry. Did you call them?”

_ “Of course I did–”  _ Ed hears Roy say before he hears the man behind him groan. 

_ Shit, I forgot to kick the gun away,  _ Ed thinks before whipping around to find the man aiming the gun at him from the ground. He barely has time to think before he hears the gunshot go off, and– 

He doesn’t feel anything. 

No, not like the dramatic, “I’m going into shock and I’m going to die.” He just… didn’t feel anything. 

“Did you miss?” Ed asks.

“I– uh– I shot your leg,” the man says, looking at him in confusion as he slowly gets up. 

“Oh,” Ed says looking down at his leg. “ _ Oh.”  _ He pulls his pants up to reveal the automail and he grins. “That’s why it didn’t hurt.”

Ed tries to move his leg, but it’s stuck in place. “Damn, the mechanisms must have been locked up because of the bullet.” He looks at the mugger and says, “You could probably run, I won’t be able to follow you.”

_ “I cannot believe that you just said that to him,”  _ Roy says. 

“I can’t believe we’re still on the phone together. How the hell did I keep my phone in my hand this entire time?” He hears Roy scoff on the other end before he starts hearing sirens. 

+I

“You’re an idiot, Ed,” Roy says later that night as he munches on another potsticker. He’s sitting next to Ed on his bed, shoulder to shoulder with him. 

“He was an amateur!” Ed argues. “What was I supposed to do, act scared? He couldn’t even hold his gun straight.” 

“You told him to run,” Roy says. 

“The cops caught him. It all turned out okay.”

Roy frowns. “Except you can’t bend your leg.”

“Yeah, which really sucks. I hate automail.” 

Roy looks at him incredulously. “It saved you a bullet wound to your flesh leg.” 

“I’d actually prefer that. Winry’s going to kill me because of this.” 

When Roy looks at him, his gaze is– well, Ed doesn’t know, but it’s kinda  _ intense.  _ His eyes are doing this whole smoldering thing and yeah it’s fucking hot but there’s a lot of feelings in there, too, and Ed can’t really decipher what the hell those mean. 

All of a sudden Roy opens his mouth to say, “I would be… very sad if that had been your other leg and you were in the hospital right now.” 

Ed blinks. “Is that your way of saying you care about me?”

Roy smiles at him in a weirdly shy way and he’s blushing a bit, which confuses Ed even more. “That’s my way of saying I worry about you and wish for you to refrain from doing anything like that in the future.”

“Oh,” Ed says. Then he hears the words  _ I wouldn’t mind, y’know  _ and thinks of Roy blushing with only a towel on and realizes– 

_ Oh.  _

“Hey, Roy,” he says slowly, “could you take all the food off the bed for me?”

“Why?”

“Just do it.” Roy gives him a weird look but does it, putting the food back into its containers and setting it on the ground next to the bed. When he’s done, Roy looks at him expectantly. 

Ed doesn’t say anything else, just grabs Roy’s face with both hands and kisses him.

The angle is awkward but their lips mold together perfectly and Ed is just about to part his lips for Roy, except the other man breaks the kiss to settle his forehead against Ed’s. 

“You taste like my Kung Pao,” Roy says. 

Ed snorts. “And you taste like my Potstickers. Shut up and kiss me, bastard.” 

**Author's Note:**

> "is the main theme really automail tho" 
> 
> no, the main theme is two boys being idiots as it is for all royed fics but the other main theme is automail.


End file.
